One of my friends pointed out something the other day about me that I’d never really put together before: I don’t like transitions.
And it’s true… whether it’s referring to waiting at an airport to board a plane for a new destination, to the beginning of a new school year, to getting over a love lost, to beginning a new chapter in my life… I just don’t like them… so it doesn’t surprise me that I have made a long list of “what to do after Peace Corps” that doesn’t make any sense to anyone but me. On the list I have things like opening a café/art gallery in Kansas City, a yoga ashram, teach at an International school, continue my portrait photography business, writing a book, doing all of the above at the same time, nanny abroad… etc. So all of the ideas are great (and trust me when I say there are MANY more I have listed), but then the panic kicks in when I begin to think about where to do all of the above. I mean, if it’s not one thing it’s another, right? Eff this.
But thankfully I’m reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (I’m sure you’ve read it… and if you haven’t, you should) and it’s kind of putting things into perspective. In fact, it feels like I’m her… trying to get over a relationship but just not ready to let go, having an itch to travel and make a change, and looking for the peace within myself (I was recently, with nothing but good intentions told I have a tendency to get “crazy” and no, that doesn’t mean party crazy… it means there is a giant mess in my head that I can’t quite sort out). So eventually in my list making I got to a point where I wrote this (without the asterisks):
F*** it, just GO.
Maybe if I take this route one of those doors that are always open but seem just out of reach will finally come into my grasp and I will be able to grab the handle and open it. I mean, as much as I say I don’t like transitions (and, really, I don’t)… that might be the best thing for me to do.
In the meantime I just have to wait one more week and my dad will be in Moldova. That is a transition I am GREATLY looking forward to… but his leaving? Not so much.