Assisted Living: Day 7 - The Turn

What a blur the last 7 days have been.

I’ve been writing this post in my head all day and yet when it comes time to put the thoughts down, I’m struggling to get them out. I wanted to talk about the things I’ve learned this last week but that will have to come another day.

Today was not good.

When I whistled upon coming in, she tried to open her eyes but never did get them fully open. I was there from about 11:30am-3pm, and she refused breakfast and lunch, including juice (which yesterday she took a sip of and perked up and said, “ooh that’s good!”).

She’d received a card from a longtime family friend and I read it aloud to her. She made a noise, acknowledging me reading it, but that was as far as we got. I put it by her bedside, as it had a photo of a frog on it which will forever make us think of my mom - her sister.

Her hospice nurse, Av’i, was there for a 2nd time when I was there, too, and we decided to increase her pain medicine with the goal of keeping her comfortable. While she isn’t saying she is in pain, she is grimacing, which the nurse said they look for especially with people who have spent their entire lives suppressing their pain so as not to be a burden… like she has.

The other nurses came in to weigh her and I told them she didn’t like the sling - as when we moved her from rehab to assisted living and a lift was needed to get her in the wheelchair, she freaked out a little bit saying, “I don’t like this.” But today she didn’t even wake up during the process.

Once they left her breathing became short and labored. My oldest cousin came to visit for awhile and she didn’t show any signs of knowing he was there until we were leaving and she appeared to inaudibly repeat, “I love you too” after we said it to her.

I don’t know if it’s the “comfort medicine” she’s on or the cancer or both - but I guess it doesn’t matter because it seems like the last bit of “Moe” that was remaining was left with yesterday. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring but I think it will be another really hard update.

I’m told it’s an honor to be by someone’s side at the end of life, and while that may be true, this is quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.