How to Protect a Relationship When You Don’t Want to Work Together
If you read my recent social media post about choosing a Realtor, you know this already:
Sometimes the hardest part of buying and selling a home isn’t the transaction... it’s the relationship with the person you choose to guide you through the process.
People often choose someone they love because they want to support them and keep things simple, not because they doubt their skill.
But here’s the problem: Real estate is very rarely neutral.
It’s emotional.
It’s financial.
And when something doesn’t go the way it’s supposed to, it gets tense.
So what do you do if you want to protect the relationship but still choose the agent who feels like the best fit?
The good news is there IS a professional way to handle this because here’s the thing… this is common professional practice in real estate.
Licensed agents understand that people have choices. They know clients may have multiple connections in the industry. A mature professional does not take that personally.
Healthy professionals care about two things:
That you are well taken care of.
That relationships are preserved.
Those two priorities are not (or should not be) in conflict.
So, what can you do when you’re afraid of hurting feelings? Well, there are two things.
Option 1: Ask for a Referral
If you don’t have another agent in mind, you can say something like:
“I value our relationship and I don’t want to risk blending business and family. Would you be willing to refer me to someone you trust?”
In this case, your family member or friend connects you with another agent. That agent pays a referral fee to the referring agent out of their commission.
This is standard practice in real estate. It happens every day.
You get strong representation.
Your loved one is compensated for the connection.
And the relationship remains intact.
Option 2: If You’ve Already Chosen Someone
If you already know who you’d like to work with, you can ask that agent whether they are willing to pay a referral fee to your family member or friend.
Again, this is common and professional. The details are handled between brokerages before agreements are signed.
You are not asking for a favor, and instead you are asking professionals to help you keep the relationship - but in a professional way.
Here’s the thing:
When business and personal relationships overlap, things can get complicated quickly.
Choosing a referral structure allows:
You to choose the right fit.
Your loved one to feel respected.
Everyone to remain professional.
Holidays together to stay peaceful.
This:
Removes obligation.
Removes financial tension.
Replaces awkwardness with clarity.
At the end of the day remember that you do not have to choose between protecting your peace and protecting your relationships.
In the real estate industry, there are professional systems in place that allow you to do both and the right agent will understand that.
If you ever need help navigating that conversation, I’m always happy to walk you through it.
